with or without you

Today, my heart is broken.

Yesterday, my heart was broken.

Everyday, since April 27, my heart has been broken.

I think about you every minute. I feel like I live under a cloud of sadness. I am heartbroken for your babies. I am heartbroken for your amazing wife. I am heartbroken for your parents, sister, friends, co-workers and people who haven't even met you yet, because they should have had the chance too.

I feel guilty when I'm enjoying my family for a second. I don't know what is ok to do.

Nothing feels the same.

I'm so sad.

we are thankful!

We are going to say what we are thankful for each day. I started this yesterday, but didn't have time to post.
Yesterday:
Sam: "I'm thankful that the war between the pilgrims and the indians is over"
Nate: "I'm thankful for my brother"
Mommy: "I'm thankful that Jesus saved me"
Alaina: "I'm thankful for my mom and dad"

Today:
Sam: "I'm thankful for my mom's nose and mouth, without them she couldn't breathe"
Nate: "I'm thankful for my sissy"
Alaina: "I'm thankful for my brothers, and that Nate is being nice today"
Me: "I'm thankful for my health insurance"

The Truth About Jacky Part II

In May of 2006, I posted The Truth About Jacky. I think Jacky III that I bought that day didn't make it very long, because Jerm's and I both think that we had 4 fish, but maybe not. Either way, the current Jacky has been around about 2.5 years. Sam has lived blissfully unaware of any of the fish switches....until last night. Sam's friend told Sam J the real story last night. Sam thought we were just teasing him, and I had to show him the blog to prove I wasn't making it up. I really thought we would tell him when he was 30, but the cat's out of the bag now.

Another year in review...2008

Another year has passed and there is so much to be thankful for. We have had a blessed year, and I will remember 2008 for many things...





in 2008...

• I became a Registered Nurse. I worked as a CNA, Mom/BabyRN and was hired into the NICU...my goal accomplished!


• Alaina was a tap dancing spoon and a tornado/poppy/jitterbug and did great!


• We saw that time marches on, and have watched Grandpa Jay and Grandma Betty grow a little bit older.


• We said good-bye to Grandma Bernice.


• We said hello to Gia and Gabriel, and are anxiously awaiting the new baby Rader!


• We saw God work miracles by keeping Gia and Heather safe.


• God kept my family safe on Christmas Eve., and all through the year.


• We went to Texas for spring break, july 4th and new years!


• We went to Silver Dollar City, and probably won't go back.


• Nate played T-ball, and kicked some butt!


• Sam played Basketball, Soccer, and Machine Pitch Baseball. Basketball is still his love.


• Sam won the class spelling bee again this year, and made it 7 rounds in the school championship!


• Alaina, Sam and Nate had great year's at school!


• KU won the National Basketball Championship.


• Did I mention I graduated from college?


• Jeremy ran his own business for a full year.


• Pool time!


• One of my sister-in-laws became my sister this year.


• Texas actually came to us for Thanksgiving!


• I gained and lost and then gained lots of weight.


• My babies grew.


• Tia and Rick lived with us for a while...and then got a house with a POOL!


• I helped start the Monday Coffeshop at church.


• I began teaching the 2 year olds on Sunday mornings.


• Jeremy sang It is Well
• History was made and Obama was elected President
• My mom changed jobs, and is adjusting.
• I spent my Fridays with Vanessa!

Seminole, RN

Today was my first day working as a Registered Nurse. I passed boards, and now I'm official. I wrote the initials RN after my name at least 20 times on 8 different charts. When patients got off their cell phones and said "the nurse is here, I have to call you back"- I didn't have to correct them and say that I wasn't the nurse. Pts asked me questions and I knew the answers. I worked hard and time flew! I was SO nervous. I'm still SO nervous. Hopefully each day will bring more confidence.

I really passed.

My friends are at IHOP studying, and I'm getting ready to go to bed...because I work tomorrow...as a nurse!!!!!

Seminole, GN

Today is the one week anniversary of my graduation. A week goes fast when you aren't studying. I am a Graduate Nurse. I, legally, cannot call myself an RN until I pass boards- doing so is considered fraud and could cause me to lose my licence forever. So, I am a GN- graduate nurse. My state boards are in 10 days. I need to study and I simply don't want to. This is the biggest test of my life and I am over it. It's time to get stressed and get back in the zone.

Yesterday I reported to work for RN hospital orientation. I will celebrate my 8 year anniversary at the hospital in 3 days. I'm having a hard time seeing myself as a nurse, and not as an assistant/secretary/etc... Am I really ready? What did I get myself into? People keep telling me that it's normal to be terrified for a year. I'll let you know in a year if I'm feeling better...

Tonight

Tonight is a night Sam won't soon forget.
Tonight I let Sam stay up 3 hours past his bedtime.
Tonight Sam and I ran through the neighborhood barefoot, screaming, and chanting Rock Chalk Jayhawk, K UUUUUUUUUUUU
Tonight Jeremy said he almost cried watching a basketball game.
Tonight Roy Williams wore a Jayhawk on his shirt.
Tonight Sam's Rush jersey became a keepsake for life.
Tonight the spirit stick, lucky spots, and baby belly rubs worked.
Tonight KU won the NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP
Tonight was a VERY, VERY good night!